November 18, 2013

Restart


Hi readers - Tonight's blog post is a bit more about my personal life and not about fashion. Please keep in mind that everything is solely from me, my own opinion and perspective. I'm in no way trying to put anyone down or tell one what they should and shouldn't do. These are thoughts that I've wanted to share for a while..

Earlier this year, I cut ties with one of my biggest passions, dance. Although I left abruptly and wasn't able to finish off the season with my teammates, it was time to go. I've dedicated a little over 8 whole years to dance, and until I left I didn't realize how long that was. I've met so many amazing people, learned a lot about who I was, and experienced fun moments throughout the journey, but with everything good there was bad. I got stuck, and didn't know it. I loved dance and the people so much that I didn't realize it was distracting me from life. With the term stuck, I define it as continuing in the lifestyle and drifting from the real world. I was drifting fast, and before I knew how much time flew by, I felt I was already so behind.
Don't get me wrong, I do miss dance a lot. Dance will always be a passion of mine, it's just not what I wanted to do forever. Fashion was my other passion which I chose to make my career. In my opinion, if you're not planning to make dance, or any hobby actually, part of your career in the future, I feel you should keep it strictly a hobby and stop when it's time to enter the real world. I chose to keep dancing even after I entered the real world, and boy did it affect me hard. There were countless times where I would choose dance over work. I would dance all night at rehearsal and then kill myself after by staying up until 4am to finish the work I should've done earlier that night.
For the reader's that are not involved or familiar with hip hop dance, let me give you a quick description of what I'm talking about. Dance from what I've experienced (in CA and various states in the US), is a small community in itself. I've always seen the dance community as a high school - you know everyone in school, you see them all the time at parties, competitions, etc and you're all friends with one another. Everyone in dance is connected. I'm not sure if this is how it is in all dance communities, but this is how it is in Southern California. It's not always fun and games though, just like any other school there's drama, bad relationships, backstabbing, sh*t-talking, bad influences and everything negative you can think of. I can't say I didn't fall into any of that, because I did. Dance did grow me as a person, but it did break me too. It turned me into a person who chose people over loved ones, not facing the real issues I had, and one that would throw people under the bus for the sake to safe myself. I've also met some people in dance who I thought were my friends, but realized in the end that they were a bad influence to me and what I was doing for myself.
If you truly feel that you can and want to dance for a living and make this your career, then all the power to you. I have nothing against anyone who wants to do that, I am in full support! But for the ones who are still in it, and know they have a further calling, please rethink your priorities. If you have a stable career/job that you love doing, live on your own, done with school, happy with your future, and have some extra time to dance as a hobby, then great for you! I wish I was at that point where I can take a dance class once a week as exercise, but I'm just not stable yet. In my opinion, if you're in high school or college and have a part time job, then I feel being in dance is fine. It's when you're done with school, and should be looking for a career job, but you're spending your hours dancing, I feel its not the best choice. I was on a collegiate team, and being on that type of a team can take anywhere from 20 - 30 hours from your week depending on your team. I knew I should've left after I finished college, but I loved the lifestyle so much that I stayed. It hurts me to see my dance friends who are 25 - 30 still on a dance team, not in school, and work at a fast food restaurant, because I know they're better than that.
If you're a dance friend of mine and can relate to what I'm saying, please think deep to what I'm saying. I'm only 23 and feel I've already lost so much time to where I could've been in my career. I'm seeing all these younger adults doing what I wish I was doing and being where I wish I was. I never regret much in my life, but I do regret losing one of the biggest accounts I could've ever landed because I was too focused on dance, and regret hurting the ones I love because of my dedication to dance. It was time I got out.
I was on a collegiate team called Team Millennia. I love this team and will keep them dear to my heart, unfortunately, I just can't dedicate any more time to them because I chose to focus on my future. I left the team in May 2013, and since then have been dedicating every second to work. Now I am able to focus and develop my own personal line, which I should've done years ago. I miss my true friends and family on that team, and wish you the best of luck with the years to come. Sorry I can't be there physically to support, but I will always be there spiritually.
For about a little over a month now, I've been in therapy to fix the issues of myself and the problems I faced. Before, I and I'm sure plenty others, viewed therapy for only those who really needed deep help, and were not normal. I can 100% say that therapy was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I feel that you never really know yourself until you've gone to therapy. I learned how to handle certain situations, how to fix the negative in my life, and how to approach my problems. I'm always learning something new each week, and highly suggest to see a therapist if you're having any uncertainty in life.
Again, this is just my opinion and thoughts from my experience in this situation. I love dance and always will, but it was time to move on to the greater in life. I just don't want to see anyone get stuck like I did.
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3 comments

Rona said...

Came across your blog and just wanted to say that I admire you for knowing what you want to do with your life and being able to make decisions based on your needs.

I had a similar experience being on a dance team and leaving abruptly because I didn't want to lose sight of pursuing my career. I miss dance like crazy a LOT of the times but I am pretty sure I made the right decision. I am currently in my first year of grad school, having only graduated with my BAs last May 2013. As much as I sometimes second guess quitting the dance community that is so easy to get sucked into, I would not be where I am today if I didn't get out when I did.

Thanks for sharing your story! Thought I'd share mine (:

Anonymous said...

ps, i apologize for the grammar mistakes.. i must be more tired than i thought hahaha

Alexa said...

Hi Rona,

You're such a sweetheart and thank you for sharing! I agree, it's definitely hard leaving a passion you cared so much about. I assure you that you made the right decision :) Unless one chooses to have a career in dance or entertainment in some sort, then leaving will have to come at some point. But I am very proud of you for not losing sight on your priorities! <3

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